Ouch. That frikkin' hurt... my cheek's still burning from the slap even though it's so ungodly cold out here, too. Hmph. I can't believe Hawkeye did that, anyway - all I did was point out that there was mistletoe above her head. Yeesh, it's as if the winter temperatures cool her already stone cold heart - Ahhh, what a silly woman she is, to not see how privileged she was to be picked out as the 'mistletoe victim' by a true ladies' man such as myself... Whaaatever. Her loss. I can have my way with just as hot, if not hotter, chicks in much sexier attire down at the bar. Mmm hmm... Santa's gonna get his share of booty tonight, ohhh yeahhh.
I guess I should go get changed first, though... Then again, I wonder if the sexy santa's helpers would be more turned on if they knew I was not only dashingly handsome and unbelievingly charming, but a lieutenent colonel as well? Ahh, but my name is well known there already so I'm sure they'll already know that... I wouldn't want to risk getting my uniform soiled, anyway.
I finally reached my house, nearly killing myself on those blasted ice-covered steps that led to the balconey. Damn, if it weren't for the increased possibilities of getting hot chicks to bed because of their 'high spirits', then winter would be the death of me... What's so joyful about subzero temperatures and accumulation upon accumulation of snow, anyway? Sighing, I turned the key, nearly falling back onto those icy stairs at the sight that was before me as I opened the door.
... Everything... Everywhere... It could only be...
"BLACK HAYATE!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, YOU SIMPERING SOD?!" I yelled, knowing full well who the culprit was. I still can't believe I accepted Hawkeye's plea to take care of the demon spawn while her house was undergoing renovations... She can't even reward me with a mere kiss! Bah, I get no appreciation... And that damn dog's caused nothing but trouble from the day he - Shit, why is it that my leg feels ... "OH, THAT'S IT! I DON'T CARE WHAT HAWKEYE THINKS OF YOU, YOU'RE JOINING THE CHICKEN IN THE SKILLET TONIGHT, YOU BASTARD!" So much for keeping my uniform clean... The stupid creature got me running in circles for a while before I finally collapsed, dizzy and out of breath, on the chewed up couch. ... I have to get Hawkeye back for this, somehow. And now, more than ever, I need to go to that bar... A drink sounds good.
Heheh, maybe if I'm lucky I'll meet that little pipsqueak Ed along the way... He's always fun to poke fun at - that'll surely ease my frustration.
"You're lucky, stupid dog, you're getting off easy this time... That is, -if- I see Ed." I told the black mass under my couch as I quickly dressed down and rushed out the door again.